Key Takeaways
- Every child is different, so what works for one won’t work for another
- The hardest moments with our children are often where the biggest growth happens (for them and for us)
- Working on yourself is one of the most powerful ways to support your child
- Teenagers today face a different world – more pressure, more noise, more overwhelm
- Therapy and support aren’t signs of something being wrong – they’re tools for growth, clarity and resilience
- The messy moments in parenting are not failures – they’re part of the process
I always knew I wanted to be a mum, having a family felt like a given for me. But the reality was a bit of a shock!
Being at home with a 2 and 3-year-old nearly broke me. The sleep deprivation, the constant toddler tantrums, trying to keep them entertained, fed, happy and not fighting. It felt relentless and impossible at times.
That was the moment I realised, I’d run out of parenting skills and patience.
Because no one really teaches you how to be a parent, we just learn on the job.
And just when you think you’ve figured something out, you realise each child is completely different. We’re told to treat them equally, but they’re not equal. They need different things, at different times, in different ways. So we adapt, we pivot, we try something new, again and again. It’s exhausting.
My children forced me to learn. They pushed me to read the books, try the techniques, question myself. They showed me what worked and what really didn’t.
By the time I had my third child, everything felt different. I was more grounded, more confident. I actually enjoyed it more, because I had some idea of what I was doing.
I’m very open about this with my older two now. My daughter even jokes that her older brother is the “first pancake.”
And honestly, that’s the deal for the first born.
Watching Them Become Who They Are
Even though I got so much wrong (and still do), I couldn’t be more proud of them.
My daughter really struggled in secondary school, years 7 to 9 were tough. It was painful to watch as a parent. You want to fix it, take it away, make it better, it’s really hard.
Now she’s in year 12 and thriving.
She’s Head Girl, more friends than I can keep up with, two jobs, driving test coming up. She’s confident, outgoing, hardworking and completely her own person.
My eldest is quietly confident in a different way. He’s never been too concerned with what others think of him. We’ve always known he sits on the autistic spectrum, and understanding that has helped us support him better.
He’s kind, polite, disciplined, and incredibly resilient. This weekend, he’s competing at the European Karate Championships in Norway as part of the JKA England team.
And my youngest, he’s finding his way. He struggled with anxiety in primary school, Covid, school changes, all of it took its toll. But now he goes to secondary school (mostly) happily, with minimal complaints, which, for an almost teenager, feels like a win.
Why This Matters So Much to Me
They are the reason I chose to grow.
To become a better parent, a better person, a better role model.
They pushed me to study psychology, communication, behaviour. To understand what’s really going on beneath the surface, not just in them, but in me.
It’s why I care so deeply about supporting teenagers and parents now.
Especially those who feel different. Like they don’t quite fit in. Who’ve experienced bullying, anxiety, or that constant underlying pressure.
Many of the young people I work with are neurodiverse. Often, their brains are simply more sensitive to criticism, to judgement, to negativity. And without the right support, that can be incredibly overwhelming.
The Truth About Parenting Today
As parents, our job isn’t to get it perfect.
It’s to learn how to work with our child. To understand them. To communicate in a way that makes them feel heard. To support them through life’s challenges so they grow into confident, self-assured adults.
Every parent is doing the best they can.
No one sets out to hurt their child. We are all shaped by how we were raised, our parents did their best… just like their parents did. But the world our children are growing up in is very different.
There’s more pressure, more noise, more information than ever before and it’s overwhelming.
So we’re all still learning.
The Most Powerful Shift You Can Make
If you want to become a better parent, I highly recommend working on yourself.
Not in a critical way, not in a “you’re doing it wrong” way. But in a curious, compassionate way.
Understand your own patterns. Your childhood. Your triggers. The beliefs you’ve carried for years without questioning.
Because your children are watching you.
They’re learning how to handle stress by watching how you handle it. They’re learning self-worth from how you speak to yourself. They’re learning resilience from how you respond when things feel hard.
This is where real change happens.
And About Therapy…
I know there’s still a stigma.
Even in my extended family, it’s not fully understood. For many, therapy was something you only had if something was “wrong with you.”
But that’s not what this is. Working with a therapist or coach is about understanding yourself, your behaviours, your reactions, your patterns, so you can live with more awareness, more choice, and more ease.
It’s not selfish and it’s not self-indulgent.
It’s how we become better parents, partners, friends… and humans.
We cope better. We sleep better. We feel calmer, more connected, more content.
And really, who doesn’t want that?
The Messy Reality
Parenting isn’t neat.
Our children will make mistakes. They’ll make bad decisions. There will be moments that make you question everything.
I’ve been called into the headteacher’s office before, when one of mine was caught vaping in the school toilets.
And honestly, it took me straight back to being 13, trying to smoke a cigarette in the toilets with my friend.
It’s real, it’s messy and it’s definitely humbling.
But that mess? That’s where the learning is. When you start to see it that way, it becomes less about control and more about collaboration.
Just like therapy.
There can be anger, confusion, guilt, frustration, tears… even laughter in the middle of it all. It’s not tidy, but it’s powerful. On the other side of that mess is growth, relief, even peace.
If This Strikes a Chord With You
I’m sharing this because if any part of this feels familiar, I want you to know you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
There are different ways we can work together, 1:1, in groups, through circles or retreats. But it always starts with a conversation.
No pressure. No expectations. Just a chance to talk, understand where you are, and see what might help.
If it’s not the right time, or not the right fit, that’s okay too. At least you’ll have clarity and sometimes, that’s the most valuable step of all.
Frequently Asked Questions
- How can I be a better parent to my teenager?
- Start by working on yourself – understand your own patterns, triggers and beliefs. Your children learn how to handle stress, self-worth and resilience by watching you. Approaching parenting with curiosity and compassion makes a real difference.
- Is therapy helpful for parents?
- Yes. Working with a therapist or coach helps you understand your behaviours, reactions and patterns so you can parent with more awareness, choice and ease. It’s not about something being wrong – it’s a tool for growth.
- How do I support a neurodiverse teenager?
- Understanding that neurodiverse young people are often more sensitive to criticism, judgement and negativity is key. With the right support, they can build resilience and confidence. Each child needs different things at different times.
Samantha Goddard
Clinical Hypnotherapist
Samantha is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and RTT Practitioner based in Sevenoaks, Kent. She helps clients overcome anxiety, build confidence, and create lasting positive change.
